Castlepollard,
Co. Westmeath,
Ireland.
3rd July, 2010.
Dear Reader,
The funniest story I know about resistance, was told by the much loved Irish comedian, Brendan Grace. He tells of a young boy fighting against his mother as she is trying to give him syrup of figs for constipation. You can make me take it, he says, but I won’t go to the toilet!
It seems anytime we challenge ourselves, whether on a personal or professional level, that resistance will be close by. It is not so much a question of do you resist, but rather, how you resist. It can be obvious, like the little boy determined to resist the effect of the laxative given to him by his mother, or subtle and unconscious, making it difficult to catch this aspect of the workings of the psyche in real time.
Some simple everyday examples of the subtle nature of resistance are;
When can’t find your keys on the way to an appointment that is challenging yet good for you…
When, all of a sudden, you find yourself getting tired as you prepare to take some exercise…
When you find you have a great interest in housework, just as you start to do some paperwork that has been left on the long finger…
When you get lost on the way to meet someone that you would really rather not meet…
When you wake up and you say another just another few minutes then I’ll get up…
So it seems that resistance is a method of inner communication for us. While it can be amusing, it can also be very revealing. If you are interested in finding out more, a useful starting point is to learn to become a detective; whose job it is to investigate how your particular form of resistance operates.
The skill required has two components; First; you need to be curious about your inner experience, and second; you need to be willing to give it some time and effort.
One example might be, next time you are heading out for a walk, and you experience that incapacitating tiredness that wants you to stay at home, notice it, and go for the walk anyway. Notice how you are as you walk, and how you are when you get home. Then compare the three stages, before; during, and after the activity and see if you can spot any differences. Notice what messages your tiredness gave your brain. Was that message true? To check it out, compare how you felt after acting on your plan, (by going for the walk), with how you felt beforehand.
After this detective work, it is often worthwhile to stand back and see what purpose your resistance serves. Does it help you to go towards what is good for you, or keep you away from what is good for you? When you figure this out, based solely on the facts and evidence provided by your own experience, you then have data from which to make the best choices for you. It is very useful to plan, and be prepared for, the resistance that will inevitably arise to throw you off your course.
Resistance is not our enemy. It could be regarded our greatest teacher, and therefore it seems reasonable to want to learn from such a master in the art of our inner workings. However, we have to make an effort to learn the lessons our resistance has to teach us. Resistance puts us to the test and invites us to engage with it before we can become students. It is much easier to ignore resistance and carry on oblivious to what is happening at a deeper level in our psyche. This is simply another way of approaching the issue, which is also useful, when it is reasonable to make such a choice.
I would be interested to hear how you get on, and welcome your feedback, comments or questions. Let me know by commenting on this blog, or send me a personal message in confidence via the contact page of my website at www.psyche.ie.
Yours faithfully,
Mary Stefanazzi
