Castlepollard,
Co. Westmeath,
Ireland.
1st November, 2010.
Dear Reader,
Stress is usually represented with an image of an overworked person under serious time pressure. While that can be the case my focus for this article is the type of stress that is less talked about – the stress of the empty nest. The term ‘empty nest’ usually refers to the stage of a person’s life when their children leave home. It also covers far more than this so I will use the term in the literal sense.
An ‘empty nest’ is when the home is empty of the physical presence of another living being as can be the case for many reasons whether by choice or by circumstance. Some examples that contribute to the ‘empty nest’ are living alone, death, retirement, redundancy, family conflicts, in a relationship with someone who is married, death of a dearly loved pet, children leaving home, never having had children, health issues, disability, living in an isolated location, being seen as ‘odd’ and sadly not valued for your unique presence in the world… these are just some of the situations that are the everyday experience for many people.
In an ‘empty nest’ the sound of a ticking clock is often all that breaks the constant silence. The arrival of the postman can be an important highlight of the day. A trip to the shop or the church can be the only social contact in a day or a week. My aim is not to make you feel guilty or miserable but to invite you to consider that there are a variety of living arrangements other than those presented to us via media and advertising. The typical image of the happy couple with 2.2 children and a cat and dog sitting by a glowing fire is not the reality for many people in Ireland today.
With a little bit of thought and effort we can each make a significant contribution to each other without needing to know the details of other people’s particular circumstances. Here are some ideas and I welcome hearing others.
- If working in a shop consider making eye contact with your customer as you ask ‘how can I help you?’ rather than simply saying ‘next’ without looking up.
- Or in a restaurant is it absolutely necessary to seat a single customer at a poky table outside the toilets when there are better tables free?
- Is it really a good business decision to charge extra to customers who are alone?
- Are you really in such a hurry that you cannot hold a door open for the person following your footsteps on entering or exiting a shop?
- Can you consider greeting a stranger with eye contact or a nod or a smile?
- Is it really necessary to speed towards a red traffic light to block another car getting in front of you?
- Is a grumpy face really necessary as you wait in a queue?
- Is ‘thank you’ so hard to say?
- Do you appreciate the value of a handwritten letter enough to write one and post it?
The experience of another human being is often only appreciated after they die. What if we were to learn from that and begin to experiment with people who are still alive and have the capacity to be touched by the simple contact from another human being.
I welcome your feedback and comments as always in confidence to info@psyche.ie or I can be contacted via the contacts page of my website www.psyche.ie.
Yours faithfully,
Mary Stefanazzi
